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Saturday, May 24th, 2003
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7:27 pm
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YAY! I got to talk to Trowa today! Star and Quatre went out for some... fancy, party, opening deal thing-- turned down the invitation to go, though. I would have felt quite awkward. Besides, my closet hasn't recovered yet-- it's still full of soldier clothing >_> I have nothing nice to wear at all. And I haven't bothered to do anything about that since I'm not trying to impress anyone-- I'm rarely out of this mansion since I came back (and boy, do Quatre's servants just LOOOOOVE me xD).
Well, just so happens Trowa did his monthly call today and I was the only one around!
He got an earful of me. I hope he didn't mind too much. ^_^ But I told him how much I missed him, over and over and over. I could practically hear his amusement on the other line. Then I made him promise to come visit sometime soon. He agreed...... Probably will see him in five year, if I'm lucky ;)
Oops, I think the happy couple's back... I better get off Quatre's computer. He wouldn't be too happy if he catches me loitering around in his office.
current mood:  refreshed
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[feed me]
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
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7:13 pm - Absence.
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I finally... came home.
After a year of wandering, trying to find myself, trying to see if there was a life for me out there-- I came back here. Where everything seemed to have begun for me. At least in this life I'm living with, right now.
I know I'm still pretty young, but why do I feel so old?
I was happy to see Quatre and Star again, though. They both welcomed me back with enthusiasm. They said things has been so quiet around lately...
Duo's gone away, too, it seems. Trowa's with his circus family at the moment, but he apparently still keeps in touch with Quatre. Wufei is now hard at work with Sally (who I also need to speak too soon.. She must be worried sick).
No one touched my room here, though! Someone even dusted it up for me :> Aahhh... I forgot how much fun and leisurely it is to live with Quatre the Gazillionaire! xD But yeah... They're right. It's still too quiet around here...
I wonder if Heero will ever come back here.
current mood:  calm
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[feed me]
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003
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3:42 pm
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I'M PREGNANT!
Just kidding.
No, I was not with Heero this whole time. We kinda parted a few weeks after we both got away from Zechs sillyness. ~shrugs~ He and I went everywhere in those few weeks. Well, not everywhere... but I made him go to different places that I thought might get him to loosen up. It did, for a little bit. He smiled sometimes... but usually when I did something stupid to hurt myself ._.; Bastard.
Then, one day, with barely a goodbye, he just decided to leave. Said he still had important things to do...
And I went off to see if I had anything important to do myself.
current mood:  restless
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[feed me]
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| Saturday, December 28th, 2002
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8:47 pm - Hehehehe.
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You're all probably wondering where I've been!
Or most likely... not wondering where I've been.
Or where Heero and I been for that matter.
Either way-- I'm not telling where I am right now. Hehehehe >D Himitsu desu! For now anyways....
Perhaps, I'll feel like talking about it later... bwehehehehe...
Zechs is just a silly ol' goat you guys-- why do we fight with him? nyuuuuuuuuuuu~?
hmmm.. champagneeeee...DJslkj394890jalsk'_)-
current mood:  mischievous
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[feed me]
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| Wednesday, July 24th, 2002
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2:49 am - Yay!
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An excuse to leave! :D
Ano........ Sally contacted me and said she needed my aid in some attack Zechs Marquise is planning on the colonies. So.... I took the mission. I have nothing else to do around here. I told Star tonight that I was going to go. She gave me a strange look--
So I figured Quatre hadn't told her about this one yet :P Oops, sorry, Quatre.
So. This morning we left. I'm on a spacecraft with Sally right now, and they're going over the plans. I think I'm part of the decoy group. She always gives me such easy jobs xP
The fight is in 8 hours, so maybe I'll go catch some sleep.
current mood:  blah
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[feed me]
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| Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
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12:31 am
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A very whacked out Quatre informs me that Heero's planning to leave. Argh. Put pressure on me, why don't you?!
I sat all afternoon and night, after Quatre told me what Heero was planning to do. Part of me wanted to go find Heero and tell him to not go, that I wanted him here, that we could keep trying and trying even if takes infinity, it doesn't matter... A part of me is saying to let him go... To let myself go... Explore other possibilities...
But my life... My life is never for sure. I know how I feel for Heero and... It's so hard to explain. For someone who grew up in war, like I did, they would understand. For someone living in a war... It's hard to let go of people that easily, you know? Because they are so hard to find...
But before I get into all these deep angsty meant for fanfics stuff-- I redid my LJ the other night! It helped me kept my mind off Heero, you know. Ha ha... I'll redo other people's later if they want me too ^_^
Anyways... last night... thinking about all the stuff I said before... I went to see Heero that night.
I knocked on his bedroom door. At first, there wasn't an answer, and when I was starting to think he wasn't even there, the door opens. He seemed surprise to see me. I let myself in, knowing he's not going to invite me in anytime during that night, anyways.
"I heard you were taking off," I told him. "Are you coming back?"
"..." He closes the door behind him, shrugging. "If I find a reason to come back." He walks towards his bed where there was an opened, half-full duffel bag sat. He places a hand on it, but does nothing else. I stood by him.
"What if I give you a reason to come back?" I demanded, staring down at the bag. And seriously, that duffel bag would be enough to take all his belongings too o_O
As usual, he didn't seem to find the right respond to that, staring off across the wall, frowning. I hugged him then. Well... okay, more like tackled him down on the bed. Well, it's not my fault he was too busy brooding or contemplating to pay attention to balancing himself on his feet! I ended up on top of him, and he stared up at me, blinking. I quickly moved off and let him sit up, and then I hugged him again. As I started to pathetically beg him to not leave, to tell him that I didn't want him to leave me, and that I want to be enough reason for him to come back.
Nothing else happened... All I remember was waking up early morning in his arms. He held me perfectly, and for the first time in the past few days, I felt content.
Of course, afterwards, everything went back to the way it is.
But that's okay, I guess ^_^
current mood: calm
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[feed me]
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| Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
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1:54 am
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Oh dear. Quatre and porn. Who would have ever thought? ;)
Today, I kinda avoided contact with Heero, because I still felt uncomfortable what happened on our "date", and I was pretty sure he was, too. But of course, fate still has it that we run into each other. I was taking a walk through Quatre's garden, and I bumped into him. We just stared at each other and said nothing.
Well, I didn't want things to be totally tense between us forever, so I flashed him a forced smile and grabbed his hand. We began walking together, like that. Quietly, his hand squeezing mine pretty hard...
In it's own way, for Heero, that was the closest he could get to apologizing, and I accepted it.
For about, ten minutes we walked like that. Total silence, the only noise are the birds, the winds rustling through the leaves...
He halted all of a sudden, tugging at my hand to make me face him. I almost fell but he caught me by the arms. He looked at me, and his usually apathetic face were flashing all different kinds of emotions so fast-- I couldn't read them. Then his look blanked out again.
I felt sadness all of a sudden...
I was sad that... we had nothing to say to each other, that he was stuck somewhere where I can't free him completely. From his own walls and defenses, he was trapped, and there's nothing I can do anymore. I was sad, knowing that if I hanged onto him, I'll end up getting stuck too...
I tore myself away from him, and ran off, not looking back.
He scares me so much, sometimes.
current mood:  sad
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[feed me]
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| Sunday, July 14th, 2002
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10:47 pm
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All right. I supposed I have to write about my date with Heero which I just got home from. And no-- there was no mad kinky sex because I'm writing this post right now! XP Nyee.
We didn't do anything too elaborate-- I just planned a normal hanging out thing, because... doing normal things are nice for people like me x_X At around early afternoon, we went to the movies. I wanted to see the Powerpuff Girls, but I didn't want to scare Heero... so I decided on Men In Black II instead. I thought the movie was funny... Heero didn't get it and questioned a lot of things >_> I told him to shut up and just be entertained for once. I think he got insulted at that point... and sulked. Bah!
Well, I used my charms on him to get him to lighten up a bit after the movie. The usual... flirting, poking him, teasing lightly, making stupid jokes... the little tricks I use on him that seems to work all the time. And it did. He relaxed while we walked to a nearby restaurant where we decided to eat. It was a small diner, and no one barely went in there, so I thought it would be perfect for someone like Heero.
We got to talking. Yes... Heero can talk, guys...
I asked him if he was having fun that we were doing something normal for once, together. He said he doesn't know, giving me a very strange expression.
"Don't you have fun with me?" I asked, playfully, kicking him slightly from under the table.
This seems to trouble him more as he stared at me, now a blank expression on his face.
"I take that as a no?" I inquired, raising my eyebrow at him.
At first he didn't reply, then an irritated look covered his face. He told me to quit asking him stupid questions like that. I think that the fact he didn't know how to answer those kind of questions frustrated him, that's why he snapped at me...
The rest of dinner went smoothly, and we just talked about mindless things from that point on.
But I still can't help feeling just a wee bit upset now.
current mood:  uncomfortable
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[feed me]
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| Saturday, July 13th, 2002
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11:41 pm
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~blink~ Heero's being incredibly easy these days... I think he's planning to kill me. o_O
but... if he's taking me out on a date! ~claps hands~ How about tomorrow night, Heero~kun? Ano... since you probably don't know what you're doing, I'll take care of things... :P
current mood:  amused
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[feed me]
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| Thursday, July 11th, 2002
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4:34 pm
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Wow. I managed to convice Heero to not go off to play fairly easily. I think I'm scared >_>
I'm getting extremely restless around here, though. I'm doing... nothing! :P
~grabs Heero and shakes him~ TAKE ME OUT OR SOMETHING YOU JERK! >_< Take me out for dinner! Then a movie! Then we'll go home and have mindless, kinky sex! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~!!!!
(if he turns down an offer like that, I would start getting very suspicious..)
current mood:  bored
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[2 chips has been eaten . feed me]
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dawnasahi's journal